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感謝主賜平安喜樂 曹金菊華姊妹蒙恩見証分享(一)

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感謝主賜平安喜樂	
	曹金菊華姊妹蒙恩見証分享(一)
耶和華有憐憫,有恩典,不輕易發怒,且有豐盛的慈愛。他不長久責備,也不永遠懷怒。他沒有按我們的罪過待我們,也沒有照我們的罪孽報應我們。(詩篇一○三:八至十)	

	我在一九四八年出生於中國江蘇省,自小是在農村長大。因我爸爸是個裁縫師,但當時裁縫行業的收入,也難以維持一家的生活。在無奈和無選擇的情況下,祇得和一班稱兄道弟的鄉親們一起來到香港尋找工作和出路,但當時的香港社會想要找一工半職,實在是不容易,所以父親祇得拋棄家庭,把妻子和兒女留在鄉裡,獨自來到香港尋找工作,等到父親在香港有了落腳地,安頓下來就接我媽媽去香港與我爸爸團聚。	
	當時我只有六歲,父母便不在身邊,於是便和我祖父母、大姐、哥哥,還有我的大伯伯的三個孩子一起生活。因我的大伯伯英年早逝,所以我的伯娘不可能一個人帶著六個小孩,又要兼顧工作,所以祇好分配寄養。然而在我父母離開鄉間之前,已把房屋整頓好,然後才請我的祖父母看顧我們三兄妹,而且我父母保証ㄧ直養到我祖父母終老,並且每個月按時寄生活費給我祖父母。		
	到我九歲那年,哥哥和姐姐相繼也被我父母接去香港,惟獨留下我伴祖父母終老。但祖母不是我的親生祖母,是繼祖母,她不喜歡我.對我非常刻薄,她認為她是長輩.我是小孩,她高高在上,惟我獨尊,祖母看我是孩子,而她是大人從來不會與我講話,對我講話,一是命令,二是責罵;常常不是打便是罵。我很怕她,總是想討她歡心,使她開心,但是無論我做得多麼努力,她對我的刻薄和討厭,毫無改變,不但不會顧及我生理和心理的需求,更加不會顧及我的感受,遭受她的橫蠻毒打,已是家常便飯。	
	有一次,祖母出門之前,曾撫摸過我們家養的一隻雞,認為當日牠一定會下蛋。晚上她回到了家,卻找不到那隻蛋,便冤枉我偷吃了那隻蛋。我根本沒有吃,自然就不承認,她便毒打逼供,不給我吃晚飯,還將我綁在對著大門口天井的柱子上示眾和羞辱,作為懲罰,就像我是犯了什麼滔天大罪似的。	
	她追問我吃了蛋的蛋殼放在哪裡?結果毒打成招,不過招的是假口供,因我根本無吃過蛋,何來有蛋殼?那時,童心天真單純,心想:「我家門前有條小溪.如果我說把蛋殼扔在小溪裡,我又怕她去找,找不到又怕會再遭毒打。若是扔在大河裡,她便沒法找了。」於是,我便說:「我已經把蛋殼扔在大河裡了。」若是小孩子真的偷吃了一隻蛋,用得著這樣小題大做嗎?孩子餓成這樣,還沒有煮熟的蛋都要吃,心痛都來不及,還會捨得這樣毒打嗎?這祇是其中發生的一件事而已,還有許多許多例子,難以列舉。	
	祖母有很多契仔契女,她都會熱情招待他們,供食供住。她總是對人說:「阿菊年紀小,不需要吃些什麼,將來有得吃。」她說得對,我一生所吃過的東西,有些連名稱她也從沒聽過。但她又害怕我會生病,又怕我會病死,然後會怕斷了她的長糧,她心裡害怕我死了之後,我的父母不再匯錢給她。村民看在眼裡敢怒不敢言,於是就把我苦不堪言的情況寫信給我媽媽,讓她知道不能把我留在鄉下,要申請我去香港。在鄉親的扶助下,十六歲便去了香港。	
	到了香港之後,國內便發生文化大革命.我便逃過一劫。我的故事是否有點像聖經《創世記》第三十七章裡的約瑟呢?因祖母的惡行,我因禍得福,雖然不像約瑟後來那麼飛黃騰達!感謝主的憐憫,坎坷的成長期,並沒有給我做成日後的負面影響,我一點都沒有怨恨祖母,心中祇想到我可以賺錢孝敬她,讓她感受曾經被她虐待過的人,會對她這樣好。可惜我沒有機會這樣做,因為當我賺到一些金錢時,她已不在人世,正如耶穌所說她所做的她不知道,如果她真懂得這樣做,是傷害別人,她也不會這樣做。因為她是文盲,也缺乏正面的教育。	
	如果我祖母還在世的話,第一件事我要做的,就是要修復與她之間破碎的關係,因為耶穌愛我這不完全的人,那麼我又為何要計較祖母對我做些什麼呢?我會將父神和耶穌基督完全的愛和救贖福音傳給她,將她帶到神的跟前,讓她得到神完全的愛,可惜這祇係我的夢想而已,我真想對她講一句:「嬤嬤我愛您,耶穌更愛您。」但我知道不再有這機會。有一次,回鄉探親,我便到處尋找,在她的墳墓上,獻上一束鮮花,這是我對祖母惟一可做的事了。	
	雖然沒有迷信或是去拜過什麼神,但心裡總是有一種說不出的恐懼感。在我們鄉下農村的習俗,一般人過世了,通常會把遺體放在大門的門板上。當我還是小孩時候,心裏十分好奇,又想要去看個究竟,但是回家後,又驚慌又害怕,尤其是我祖父母的棺木,都放在家裡,上面蓋上麻布袋。那棺木是塗上黑色油漆,當要如廁時,必定要經過那棺木擺放的地方,才能通到那小屋內用廁,心裏的那種恐懼真是無法形容。	
	移民去了香港,偶有親友去世,雖然害怕去殯儀館,但是很無奈必須參加喪禮,可是每次在殯儀館內,都不敢單獨去乘搭電梯或去洗手間。每當去醫院探望病人時,也是如此。有時在街上碰見靈車或是看見死了的動物,無論是一隻貓、一隻狗或是一隻雀鳥,心裡面就會有一種不舒服的感覺,整天提心吊膽,擔心所見的那些景像,都是不吉利的預兆。甚至有時眼皮跳動也會害怕,心裡總是沒有平安,心想不知道會有什麼不好的事情,將會發生在我的身上。	
	在一九九○年我和兒子移民美國。我是一位單身母親,既要為工作奔波勞碌,又害怕兒子學壞,真是心力交瘁。自從他去基督教會,相信了主耶穌後,他向我傳福音.勸我信耶穌。頭腦上知道教會是一個好地方,教人學好,但我卻不知道信主是什麼意思?但是看到我兒子去教會後,能夠認識到一群年紀與他相仿的年青人,我便很放心,不再擔心他學壞,但自己始終不願意相信耶穌。	
	後來,經過兒子和教會的弟兄姊妹們,多次給我傳福音和好言相勸我信耶穌基督,心裡想:「信耶穌一定有好處,否則怎麼會有這麼多人相信?我也看到很多信耶穌的人,他們的學歷高、知識廣、職業高尚,對聖經又有深入研究,都會去信耶穌,難道他們都是傻瓜嗎?我這個自幼生長在農村,小學還未畢業的婦人,難道會比別人強嗎?比他們都聰明嗎?」	
	內心常常在掙紮自問,最後終於謙卑下來。感謝主!祂揀選了我這卑賤的人,作為祂的女兒,這身份是何等的高貴。若不是神的憐憫,我何以配得?在二○○○年的復活節,我決志信主,正式宣佈受洗,歸入了基督的名下,成為神兒女。哈利路亞!榮耀歸主名!	
	剛開始信主,沒有感覺到自己有什麼不一樣,可是很奇妙,發覺到我以往的恐懼感一掃而空,去殯儀館多到不知其數,還可以到醫院探病,陪伴年長老人,有時在病床旁邊陪伴病人的整個臨終過程;甚至還可以手握手的直到病人安祥地離世為止。我所提到的並不是我的親人,而祇是朋友或主內的姊妹。感到神大大賜福,我可以參加喪禮,送棺木上山,直到下葬,一點兒恐懼也沒有,已經是百無禁忌,心裡覺得很平安。	
	初移民來美國時,我雖然還未認識耶穌,但祂已給了我好多的普及恩典。雨落在義人的地上,也落在不義人的地上,日頭照好人也照歹人,請問空氣、雨水和陽光有分好或歹人去享用嗎?確是人人不可缺少一份的莫大恩典,無論您是否基督徒都不例外,都能享受這一份恩典,稱之為普及恩典。(未完待續)
二○二二年十月一日	
 
 

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