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Monday, 25 April 2022 12:41

神的慈愛比生命更好 李德郁姊妹感恩分享

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若有人在基督裡,他就是新造的人,舊事已過,都變成新的了。(林後五:17)

	林:親愛的朋友平安,神在李德郁姊妹身上有很多奇妙的帶領,我們現在就請她來分享她的信仰之路。德郁妳好。
	李:台英姐妳好。
	林:妳是怎麼信耶穌的呢?
	李:我是98年,在我來到美國差不多半年之後信主的。那時候應該是24歲左右吧!
	我剛來到美國,對美國的生活有很多的期待。我在俄亥俄州唸碩士班,沒有認識任何人。那裏有個美國基督徒的「校園事工」,他們很熱心的接待我。當時有很多基督徒幫助我,從一下飛機的接機,然後有一個美國基督徒的家庭接待我,很多生活上的幫助,我就開始接觸到基督徒。覺得他們跟我以前認識的人很不一樣,他們很喜樂,而且很願意付出,那種不求回報的付出,我就覺得很奇怪。因此心裡對他們有一種羨慕、敬佩,想要多了解他們。
	就在台灣同學會的一個晚宴會上面,有個台灣人的基督徒和我坐同一桌,他問我要不要去教會,我們可以帶妳去。所以從那時開始我就跟他們去了當地的華人教會,開始在那裏用中文學習聖經,我覺得比用英文學習聖經容易明白。這是第一個我覺得很奇妙的事情,就是神在我有這個念頭的時候,把我帶到華人教會,可以用自己的母語學習、查經。進到華人教會之後,有一個事情也讓我有很大的觸動,就是那地方的弟兄姐妹臉上充滿笑容,很喜樂。尤其有一個家庭,是年輕的夫妻,還有小孩子,小孩子很聽話,爸爸媽媽對小孩子很溫和。我就想,這個家跟我的家非常不一樣,真的是基督徒美好的見證,我就更想要去認識。
	林:妳以前是拜佛的嗎?
	李:是。這當時對我來講,有個很大的衝擊,因為我從小母親就是信佛的,很虔誠的拜拜啊、燒紙錢啊等等,家裡從小就是父母親吵架啊,不和啊。又是父母親打罵式的教育,一直都是很不開心,我也是因為這樣從小就對於人生的意義有很多的不解,覺得為甚麼人生這麼的痛苦?到底人生的意義是甚麼。所以當我懂事以後,上大學的時候,我讀的是「哲學系」,我也一直在追求,人生的意義到底是甚麼,也在佛學上下了很多功夫。國中的時候我就在讀「老子」、「莊子」,講到人生的「虛空」。到了大學讀哲學系,我特別喜歡「存在主義」。「存在主義」也是一個很悲觀的,對人生沒有解答的,說人生是很荒謬的,很消極的對人生的一個解讀。佛學的中心思想就是人生就是苦,就是無常,這是他們兩個中心的思想。所以我到大學畢業的時候,對於人生就很悲觀的看法,覺得人生就是受苦,就是消極的走一生。而且目的是甚麼,最高的境界就是要掙脫這個人生,要進入那個虛空。當時我所學習的佛教思想,就是極樂世界,極樂世界就是甚麼都沒有,就是空。當時我覺得這種想法很可笑,很可憐,為甚麼你進到這個世界,最高的目的是要擺脫,是要超脫這個人生。所以我到了教會學習聖經的時候,是很積極的在尋求,我發現聖經中的人生觀是完全不一樣的。就是說,我們要擁抱這個人生,然後在人生當中學習和成長,這是人生的意義。所以我有一個很大的開啟,我覺得這才是人生應該要有的看法。神創造我們,應該是有正面的目的,我當時就覺得這才是人生正確的解讀,所以我知道聖經裡的神,才是真神。我覺得我找到真神了,所以那個時候很高興,我的人生就開始有一個翻轉。	大概進了查經班幾個月以後,那一年的復活節我就受洗了。
	林:很有福氣,那麼妳覺得信主以後,妳在生命上有甚麼更大的改變?
	李:有很多的改變,我想神在我身上最大的工作,就是我性格的改變,和人際關係很多的修復。首先就是我跟父母的關係,在我信主以前,我跟家人的關係實在很不好,因為我本身是一個很悖逆的,很頑固,而且有很多自己意見的孩子。我母親的個性非常的暴躁,有很多的憂慮,那也是為甚麼她需要宗教的慰藉,求告那些佛啊,菩薩。我覺得父母親本身有自己性格的問題,帶到我們小孩子的身上,就有很多的衝突,很多關係的破裂。所以當我出國的時候非常的高興,能夠離開家,也不想家,覺得我能夠脫離他們很好。當我認識神以後,神就感動我在電話上跟他們和好,也寫了信向他們道歉。我父母那個時候本來非常反對我去教會,後來不再阻止我去教會了。
	我媽媽收到我信的時候,在電話中跟我講話都有點哽咽,我覺得她非常的感動。另外一件事,我覺得對我來說很重要的,就是我對工作看法的轉變。在我自己的原生家庭,我一直覺得工作是一件很重要的事情。因為我家有三個小孩,我有一個姊姊,一個弟弟,父母很重男輕女。他們當然偏愛我的弟弟,我的姊姊因為是老大,媽媽也偏愛姊姊,爸爸完全偏愛我的弟弟,從小我就有一種很不被重視的感覺,可能就是那種老二情結吧。可能從小就有一種危機感,我必需要很認真,很努力的讀書,要有好的表現,我才有那個存在的價值,他們也以我為榮。但是這也造成我的很重視自己的表現,然後有一種工作狂,還有一種完美主義,很要求自己,很辛苦。我是在讀碩士的時候信主的,碩士只有兩年而已,那是初信的時候。但是到我讀博士班的時候,功課的壓力越來越重,我也有多焦慮。可是我的美國牧師,他怎麼那麼的喜樂,他講道的時候,都帶著笑容,我就覺得這個人真的是神的僕人,為甚麼他可以那麼喜樂。我的牧師就常常對我說,妳不需要這樣子的,妳不需要藉妳的成績來證實妳是被愛的。這對我來說是一個很大的衝擊,神就一直在給我這樣的教導,這樣子的提醒,要我在神面前有一個安息,凡事盡我的力量把它做好就好了,所以那時候對我來說是一個很大的解脫。神接納的就是原來的我們,那對我來說是一個大的安慰。該休息的時候,就要休息,星期天,該要去教會的時候,我就要放下我的功課去教會,安息在神的腳前,和弟兄姊妹、團契、唱詩歌,和大家交談,把一切交在神的手裡,這是對我一個很大的釋放。
	林:感謝主,神的慈愛比生命更好。妳完全經歷到了,那麼妳後來怎麼會進到「角聲」來服事呢?
	李:我去「角聲」工作,完全是神奇妙的帶領,當時神把其他工作的門都關起來,沒有我最理想專業領域的工作。有一個朋友介紹我去「角聲」幫忙,我想服事神是比地上的事情更有意義,所以我就去面試。結果很好,他們就讓我趕快去上班,可是我自己還是不太願意,禱告了一個星期,覺得神清楚的帶領,便開始去角聲服事。很奇妙的是我去角聲工作三天後,就接到一個之前我在等的工作機會。那邊的人事經理邀請我去政府教育局工作,有幾個很好的職位,也是我的專業領域,可是因為我知道前面有神清楚的帶領,就回絕了。
	林:到現在妳都沒有後悔過?
	李:我不後悔,去角聲之後,在那邊真的看到神很多的祝福,生命的改變,神也向我開啟很多,神有很多奇妙的帶領在那個工作上,我很感謝神。
	林:感謝主,謝謝德郁這麼豐富美好的分享,願神繼續賜力量給妳,在角聲的服事更榮神益人,再見。
	李:謝謝,感謝主,再見。

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