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經死蔭幽谷也不怕遭害(上) 潘王莉莉 潘明允夫婦感恩見證

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婦人焉能忘記她吃奶的嬰孩,不憐憫她所生的兒子,即或有忘記的,我卻不忘記你。看哪!我將你銘刻在我掌上。(賽49:16)
       「何等希奇!何等奧妙! 主慈愛竟臨到我… 我要永遠唱此歌」。
	這是我先生明允離開教會十四年以後回到教會的第一個主日所唱的詩歌“救主的愛”。五千多個流浪的日子,日期滿了,明允終於回到神的羊圈,他回家了。神也藉著那天的日期,(七月七號),向我顯明,讓我知道這就是神定的日子。因為“七”在聖經中是一個完全的記號。神純全、善良、可喜悅的旨意實現在我的家裏,神更願人人回家,不願一人流浪。
	去年(2013)五月二十日星期一,我下班回家,像往常一樣,吃完飯就開始第二天的備課 (我是做老師的)。八點左右,明允突然問我星期六可不可以帶他去看醫生。我覺得很奇怪,為什麼要星期六去?我更奇怪,他從來都是獨來獨往,為什麼這回要我帶他去看病? 明允說他可能開不了車,因為他已經有幾天吃不下東西,上吐下瀉,連喝水都會吐。我嚇了一跳,馬上打電話給醫生。醫生叫我給他慢慢喝點水,看看能不能頂住,第二天再去看醫生。可是我的直覺告訴我不能等,我便告訴醫生,我馬上要送他去急診室。
	從家開到醫院,大概要二十多分鐘。在車上,明允說在家休息的這段日子,是有神的美意。(因為他的工作告一段落)我一聽,心裏一驚,因為,從他離開教會,我就不曾再聽他提“神” 這個字,怎麼今天又?後來,他又談到有關神的各方面,而且用得都很恰當,他仍然承認神在他身上的主權。我覺得跟明允一下子親近了許多,多年來我們之間屬靈的鴻溝,一下子消失了。
      當天晚上,護士給他安上了各種監視器,發覺他心跳太快,在140-150 左右,正常心跳是在60-120之間,醫生要他住院治療。我在急診室陪他到半夜才回家,雖然很累,可是心裏很高興,因為明允的心轉向神了。第二天我照常去上班,以為下班以後,就可以把明允接回家了。誰知道,到了醫院,醫生、護士馬上把我帶到會議室,一臉嚴肅地告訴了我很多明允身體上的問題。說他身上幾乎每一個器官都有問題,非常不樂觀,而且還埋怨他怎麼現在才來就醫,我的心一下子直往下沉。大概他們看到我一臉的悲情,醫生開始很好心地安慰我說,明允算是很幸運的,若是再晚一天,後果將不堪想像。
	出了會議室,我立即通知我的禱告同伴和孩子們, 請他們為明允禱告。並馬上在電話中先和他們一起禱告,禱告完了,我覺得心裏平靜很多。那天晚上,我依依不捨地和明允談了很多話,明允說,他好像知道會有一段時間不能出國,所以才在去年夏天趕緊回去探望父親。又說了一句「我雖覺得自己不適合教會生活,可是我知道教會是好的。」
      	從明允住院,我就一直抓住神的話,所以每天的靈修是我力量和勇氣的來源。早上我會迫不及待地看神今天要給我甚麼話。星期二,我讀聖經(賽49:16):「婦人焉能忘記她吃奶的嬰孩,不憐憫她所生的兒子,即或有忘記的,我卻不忘記你。看哪!我將你銘刻在我掌上。」 多麼棒的應許!神說祂必不離棄我們, 我整個人振奮起來,抖擻精神去上班。星期三、四 醫生作了各種檢驗,發現明允直腸有腫瘤。他還有膽囊炎,胃炎,肺栓塞等等好多問題,但最嚴重的是他的心臟瓣膜破裂,心跳不正常,電擊了兩次都無法恢復, 所以他們要把他轉到麻州綜合醫院心臟科作手術。最後醫生告訴我,換了心臟瓣膜以後,就可以出院過正常人的生活,我聽了很放心。而且想起李嘉恩牧師前些時候也動過類似的手術,恢復得很好。於是打電話給嘉恩牧師,問了一些關於心臟手術的資訊。星期四,五月二十三日,我的靈修標題是「超級牧羊人」。談到以西結書34章,上帝應許祂會尋找祂的羊,“在美好的草場牧養他們”, 且“必纏裹”那受傷的羊。讀到這裏我簡直比中了頭彩還興奮。神的話是那麼的能安慰人,是我隨時的依靠。同時,教會牧師和長老都陸續去看過明允,又請教會弟兄姐妹為我們守望禱告,我被弟兄姐妹的愛濃濃地包圍著。星期四半夜,明允便轉到了麻州綜合醫院。
      五月二十四日星期五,我懷著一顆平常心去上課,因為醫生的話讓我非常樂觀,完全沒有預料到即將發生的事。中午我在學校接到一個緊急電話,要我趕快到醫院,因為明允的情況很糟糕。我問醫生,從一到十,如果十是最糟糕的情況,他的情況算是幾? 醫生告訴我“九”。我一下子無法承受,全身發軟,立刻打電話告訴Amy,請她替我們禱告。剛好每個星期五早上Amy和幾位姐妹有一個固定的禱告會,她告訴我,她會請大家立刻替我們禱告,感謝神,分擔的重擔是輕省的。我的心稍稍平靜下來,交代了代課的事以後就趕緊開車去醫院。
	到了醫院不久我的兩個兒子也都到了,全家一起聽醫生陳述過去十幾個小時發生的事。明允在轉到麻州醫院以後不久,心臟功能直線下降,並處於休克狀態。他們臨時找不到我,幾位醫生會診決定,立刻用人工代心臟機器(ECMO)來挽救他。醫生不停強調,明允的病情很嚴重,可能是整個醫院裏最嚴重的一個,我跟兒子們的心情都掉到谷底。無獨有偶,星期五我靈修的標題竟然是「天上的家鄉」, 說到「身為基督徒,我們真正的家是在天上,我們是屬天的國民。」我的心情因此更沉重了,以為神要接明允回天家了,我不敢告訴孩子,星期五晚上我整個晚上不能睡,都在跟神一直摔跤、一直禱告。
      隔天星期六,到醫院以前,我已經做了最壞的心理準備,可是,到了醫院護士告訴我,明允在ECMO機器上情況穩定,雖沒有變好,但也沒有變壞。我心裏的一塊大石頭總算落下來,並輕鬆地好像都可以飛起來。多麼高興地感謝神,因為明允還活著!我更覺得我已經度過了死蔭的幽谷,現在每一天明允活著都是神賜給我的額外獎賞。有意思的是星期六的靈修標題是“走出風暴”,引用詩篇一百零七篇,“於是,他們在苦難中哀求耶和華,祂從他們的禍患中領出他們來”。哈利路亞!沒有比這樣的經文更能安慰我的心了。
	 感謝神,最危急的那一個多禮拜,兩個孩子都能請假在醫院陪明允和我。從他住進心臟手術加護病房,我和孩子們每天的作息就是下午到醫院,每小時一起進去跟他談談話,鼓勵他,孩子們會講些笑話讓他輕鬆。同時,向護士打聽他的情況,直到晚上八點護士換班了以後才回家。教會的姐妹們已經開始幫我們做晚餐,一天勞累後,回到家裏,大家一起坐下,輕鬆地聊聊,討論醫生和護士的報告,吃一頓家常的晚餐,對我們心靈,身體都是很大的醫治。同時,教會的弟兄姐妹輪流為我們禁食禱告,我們心裏的感謝實在無法用筆墨形容。
      或許在靈裏,我已經走出風暴,但是在肉體上,明允還要作一場最劇烈,決定性地爭戰。五月二十九日,星期三下午,我們接到通知,醫生要和家屬見面,討論下一步的措施。到星期三為止,明允已經在ECMO 機器上六天。醫生每兩天做一次心電圖測量他的心臟功能,看看有沒有恢復。可是六天了,心臟功能都沒有恢復的跡象。所以醫生已經不認為他的心臟會恢復功能,要把他放入換心的名單上。同時,定了隔天星期四一早就要在左心瓣放進一個暫時的輔助器,等候換心。換心是一件大事,整個下午我們跟許多有關人員會談,包括社工,心理醫生,手術醫生和護士,還要讀很多文件並簽名。孩子們和我都想,只要爸爸活著,再麻煩我們都願意忍受,然而,神的意念高過我們的意念,誰能想到,十二個小時以後,情況竟然來個大翻轉。
	林:親愛的朋友,請下次「見證如雲」時間繼續聽莉莉姐妹分享。
 
 

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