Friday, 25 November 2022 19:12

凡事謝恩 朱少彤弟兄感恩見証分享

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「壓傷的蘆葦祂不折斷,將殘的燈火祂不吹滅,祂憑真實將公理傳開。祂不灰心,也不喪膽,直到祂在地上設立公理,海島都等候祂的訓誨。」(以賽亞書四十二:三至四)	
	我是在「基督教角聲佈道團」服事的宣教士。過去兩年間,不斷遇到不同的困難,一次比一次嚴重,試過手斷了、家人遇到車禍等。我就問神:「神啊,困難真的一次比一次厲害,再有的話,要患癌症才行了!」
	當然,那只是自己隨便亂想,但是真的是好事不來壞事來。二○二二年五月三日,我因為一些事情進了醫院急症室,驗了血之後就回家了。但是醫院打電話說我的血好像有些問題,要回去談一下。就知道不妙了。去到醫院見醫生,醫生就跟我說:「你應該是患了白血病,即是血癌。」那時真的不知如何反應,想不到這些像電視劇的畫面和老套的情節會發生在自己身上。	
	我就立刻上網搜尋,不是怎樣治療白血病,而是關於白血病的日本劇集,因為我很愛看日劇。以前看過很多有關絕症的劇集,找到了《在世界中心呼喚愛》、《一公升的眼淚》等等的劇集,想不到終於是自己做主角。	
	當我要打電話告訴妻子這一個消息,猶豫了很久,遇到這種事情真的發生時,真的不知怎樣做。當我離開醫院的時候,真是很巧,我媽就發一個訊息給我。因為那是五月初,快到父親節,還有我兒子的生日,我媽發訊息來,很興奮地說:「父親節快到了,甚麼時間我們出來一起吃飯慶祝吧。」那時剛剛知道自己患了白血病,不知怎麼回覆?過了很久之後,才敢告訴她沒辦法一起吃飯了,因為我得了癌症。	
	開始的時候,真的完全不懂反應,但是慢慢地就開始害怕了。別以為基督徒不怕死,我真的怕。人當然會死,但是當真的知道原來自己可能很快會死的時候,很快就會不再存在於這個世上的時候,真的會恐懼。還記得那時,本來要去一個老人中心表演,對老人家唱歌,我準備唱一首叫《醫治我》的詩歌。結果就不用唱了,因為要唱的那天,就是我進醫院那天,這首歌也不用唱給他們聽了,唱給我自己聽就可以了。	
	進了醫院,很快就開始接受化療,原來化學療法,是像打點滴那樣輸進身體裡。第一天,我就要安裝一個「人工血管」的儀器,把藥液輸進我的體內,也可以用來抽血,它是連著要連接電源的儀器。我在醫院病房裡,整個月被這些儀器束縛著,好不方便,有點像徐州豐縣「鐵鏈女」的感覺。
	當然也有很多的副作用,其中我很感恩的就是,醫生說我很有可能會喉嚨痛和喉嚨會腫起來,不能講話。我現在的聲音改變了,但還可以講話和唱歌,因為唱歌對我來說真的很重要,所以我在醫院和現在,都是每天用唱詩歌成為我的支持或鼓勵。
	在進醫院開始接受治療之後,覺得自己是一個絕症病人,狀況變得很差,加上開始化療,藥物反應和副作用很嚴重。曾經在一天之內輕了八磅,完全吃不下,只可以睡在床上,頭很痛,全身都很不舒服,那是第一次覺得自己是否真的快要死了?因為壞的白血球過多,使到我的血小板很低,我很容易會出血,而且一出血就會很難止血,流血不止。在醫院也有幾次這樣的情況,如果不小心身體碰撞到一點點就會瘀青一大塊。試過自己揉眼睛,不小心大力一點,就爆了微絲血管,變了血眼,好像「Hunter XHunterF」裡的「火紅眼」和「車輪眼」那樣的感覺。
	生病後,發現了一件事情,就是人原來很軟弱,可以很無助,這些老套的道理,原來要到生病的時候,才會真正明白那種感受。我在醫院狀態好的時候,可以又唱歌、又彈吉他、彈琴、又在「臉書」分享感受,好像很有信心一般。但是第二天一覺醒來,就頭痛,全身不舒服,很辛苦的時候,便突然覺得前面是絕望的。所以,我說的那種軟弱,就是前一天充滿信心,好像是虛假的。人原來就是如此脆弱,尤其是每一次躺在手術床上面,準備做一些無論是多大多小的事情,我都要馬上閉上眼睛禱告、開口唱歌、讚美神。不是我很屬靈,而是在那一刻真是受不了,很是恐懼,靠自己是甚麼都做不到,只可以躺在那裡,求神幫助我。每一個難關就是在這樣的情況之下,神帶領我經過,給我平安。	
	很多人都聽過,聖經教導我們要凡事謝恩。好的事情要感恩,壞的事情也要感恩,這些都是老生常談,但是我在生病的時候,發現了我不是學會感恩,而是事實使到我不能不感恩。有一段時間,我的心跳很慢,一分鐘只有三十九次,所以我要裝一個心跳儀,日夜廿四小時檢測,很不方便,那個電線貼的滿身都是,還有一個儀器連著。我走到哪裡都要拿著,去廁所也要好像舉著聖火一般。我就想:「如果有一天我可以很舒服,正常的坐著上個大號,我就真的很感恩了。」通常我會不會為這些小事感恩?但是在困難當中,我就會有這樣的感恩。	
	如果我跟人說:「你信神之後,神就會保守你,可以很舒服地洗澡,你就很感恩了。」如果不生病,我就不需要為可以舒服地洗澡而感恩了!我根本不想病!但是人生都有困難,問題就是在困難當中,因為有神,可以很感恩地過每一天。還是要懷著怨恨、憤怒地問:「為何偏偏是我?為何會這麼辛苦過每一天?」這就是感恩和抱怨的分別。
	通常一個人分享見證,都是他的病已經痊癒了、治療成功了,然後來見證神。但是要一個還沒痊癒的人來分享見證,就是我要見證神的真實,不是在祂醫治了我那一刻,而是在我發現有病的那一刻,每一天祂都與我同在,我信靠著祂。雖然病情有高有低,但是一直感受到祂在我身邊。因為神與我同在,我已經可以宣告,我已經戰勝了這個病魔。
	我是一個成熟的基督徒,開始的時侯,我是怎樣禱告呢?我都是說:「神啊!如若可行,求你將其這苦杯撤去,但是不要成就我的意思,只要成就你的意思。即使是治不治好,我都無所謂,神決定吧!」但我現在的心態,有些改變。大家有沒有看最近那一套韓劇《非常律師》呢?主角是個自閉症律師、黑吃黑、多倫多、石榴石、文言文、鹽酸鹽、禹英偊,我為了其中一段劇情錄了很多遍。	
	想不到看這一套韓劇,也會給我一些幫助。因為其中有一集,律師幫一個人辯護,這個人是一個母親,有一個女兒,律師就鼓勵這個母親,對她說:「妳不可以放棄的,要堅持,因為妳有一個女兒,妳不在她怎麼辦?」就是這老套的畫面,觸動到我。我也有孩子,當有困難的時候,我就想:「如果我不在,他們怎麼辦?我的家人怎麼辦?」所以當我很辛苦受不了的時候,我會告訴自己,為了他們,我不可以死。儘管我哪一天很辛苦,不想吃,我都會迫自己為了他們我都要吃一點,因為我不能死。	
	《醫治我》這首歌在這段時間也成為我很大的支持和幫助。在裡面有兩句經文說:「壓傷的蘆葦衪不折斷,將殘的燈火衪不吹的滅。」(以賽亞書四十二:三)因為我現在就好像那根蘆葦、那點燈火,一踩就斷、一吹就熄,但是神告訴我衪不會這樣做,衪會保護我。所以現在我的祈禱就是很單純很直接地說:「神啊,求你醫治我,使我得醫治,因為我仍然要如鷹展翅上騰,奔跑走天路。阿們!」	
二○二二年十一月廿六日
             
 
 

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