Friday, 17 June 2022 21:10

我找到了真愛 張小玲姊妹感恩分享

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人若渴了,可以到我這裏來喝。信我的人, 從他腹中要流出活水的江河來 。(約7 :37-38)
	我是在一個拜民間宗教,一家九口的家庭長大,父母是傳統教育的重男輕女,爸爸是一個又嚴又兇的父親,他的教育方法就是體罰和責罵。我記得和朋友去玩到晚上九點回家,爸爸就手拿皮腰帶在門口等我,一見我什麼都不問,就從門口打進屋子裡。平日若超過晚上七點半回家就不留飯菜,整晚餓著肚子睡覺。還有若吃飯的時候筷子放不整齊,或吃完碗裡還有一粒飯都會罵。如果放學回家鞋子亂丟又會被罵一頓,可以說從小打罵到大,在經常吵鬧的生活中成長 。兄弟姊妹長大後不喜歡留在家中,彼此之間就很疏離少了溝通 。
	我因為在家裏得不到愛、溫暖和關注 ,慢慢對家庭失去歸屬感,所以早早就出到社會工作,為了逃避與父母相處 ,減少些時間留在家中。我一下班就在外面與同事或朋友去吃喝玩樂,渴望在朋友中找到認同和友情,但是忙忙碌碌的物質生活,我心仍然覺得很空虛 。
	其後嘗試著靠宗教帶給我滿足和安慰,跟著朋友三五成群去看相問卜、紫微斗數。朋友說哪一個神明靈驗就去東拜拜西拜拜 ,占卜問卦 、看手相等等 ,沉迷了很長這樣的日子。
	每當夜闌人靜時心靈特別感到空虛,很不快樂。想起一些朋友做事不誠實,假仁假義,不負責任,慢慢我開始對他們失去安全感和信任感。想起自己迷信占卜看相花了不少辛苦賺來的錢,買來更多的恐懼憂慮和不平安,真如聖經裡所說 :「凡喝這水的 ,還要再渴。」
	後來我姊姊信了耶穌,她很努力很積極把耶穌的福音傳給家人。看見她把家人一個一個的帶去教會,我覺得很奇怪。以往家人很少坐下來談談話,為何今天媽媽和弟妹都聽她呢?有一天我下班回來,姊姊很有耐性、很努力的邀請我去佈道會,我拒絕了。她仍繼續邀請,後來我就抱著一個好奇的心跟她去一趟。當日教會佈道會的主題是「神愛世人」。聖經裏說 :「神愛世人,甚至將祂的獨生子賜給他們 ,叫一切信衪的,不至滅亡反得永生 。」當牧師講到:「耶穌是神的兒子,本是無罪,放下天上的榮耀 ,甘願成為人子。耶穌為我們的過犯釘死在十字架上,擔當我們的罪,並流出寶血來洗淨我們的罪。衪如此犧牲的愛,衪正在等待你,你願意接受這樣的愛嗎?」當時不知道為什麼我的眼淚不停地流,心裏說耶穌啊!你怎樣知道我一直在人群中尋找真正的愛,你竟為我犧牲,為我受苦!我深深被耶穌的愛吸引,我很感動,舉手接受了耶穌作我救主 。
	自從我和部份家人信了耶穌,過去我們一家人聚少離多,現在家中的氣氛很不一樣。大家有說有笑,彼此關心再不像以前各走一方。我們一起去教會,我們很喜歡唱詩歌,我們都是被主耶穌的愛吸引了 。
	我過去一直在外面追求愛 ,發覺人的愛是有條件的、講利益、不長久、會變質。今天我竟然覺得,以前喜歡和朋友去玩樂的地方,再也不想浪費時間和金錢,不再迷失方向去誤信偶像,叫自已恐懼不安的信仰。現在我的人生有了新的方向和新的目標,因著信了耶穌,真如聖經所說 :「 若有人在基督裏,他就是新造的人,舊事已過,都變成新的了。」我和家人的關係和好了,一下班就好想趕快回家,和他們一起唱詩、一起談話、彼此關心、祈禱,一同讀聖經 。後來我們家中一半的人在1979年一同受洗加入教會,過基督徒的蒙恩生活。因為信了耶穌有平安有喜樂,家人彼此相愛和睦相處。後來我們把家裏全部的偶像都拆除了,一家人從此專心單信靠獨一愛世人的真神,彼此相愛,享受神所賜的平安、喜樂。感謝讚美主!
	願榮耀歸給愛我們的主耶穌基督!
無限的恩典無盡的愛
       司徒伍幗平姊妹感恩分享
你以恩典為年歲的冠冕,你的路徑都滴下脂油。(詩篇六十五:11)
	我出生於一個基督教的家庭,父親年青時留居美國,於民前二年加入「同盟會」。那年國父在舊金山創辦「少年中國晨報」,特派我父親任主筆,並任國父的私人秘書,策動全美僑社襄贊革命事業。母親當年在夏威夷一所神學院攻讀神學,本有意終身事奉主,後因認識我父親,結為文字之交,父親的才華與豪情使母親改變初衷,願意跟隨父親遠走天涯,奔走革命。
	民國三十七年,我從南京一間教會中學畢業,因病錯過了大學的入學考試,卻無意中考入空軍總司令部。當時想工作一段時間後,再考學校,想不到一下子就被調往前方北平「空軍作戰指揮部」,在最前線對共軍作戰。事出突然,母親為此多次與軍方交涉,答覆竟然是:「不得違抗軍令」。當時在北平指揮空軍的是知名的「老虎」將軍王叔銘。軍令森嚴,一聲令下,我就得整裝出發,臨別依依,父母親諄諄的叮囑,為國效力,應全力以赴。
	那時故總統 蔣公坐鎮南京,隨時打電話到北平詢問軍情,我的工作是負責通訊,緊張繁忙中有高度的挑戰性,每天與一群飛將軍共事。他們二十四小時待命,隨時出擊,有時一去不返,為國捐軀,那種為理想而置生死於度外的無我精神,英勇事蹟,不僅感動了我,更啟發我在思索中尋找人生的真正意義。是的,人類無法避免面對死亡,但是假如人死如燈滅,那麼活著的價值是甚麼?死亡的後面是甚麼?.....這些問題困擾著我。
	回憶這短短的一年,我學會忍耐、謙卑、順服,從溫室裡出來,變得堅強獨立了。
	一年後,共軍占領北平,南京也相繼失守,兄姐們各自婚嫁,父母親和我在倉促間隨政府遷移台灣。原以為可以安定一段時間,絕沒想到人生不如意事常八九,父親被小人誣控,認為他有赴大陸投共的意圖,竟然成了政治犯。這飛來橫禍使全家頓時陷入痛苦的黑暗中,我憤怒、埋怨整個世界毀滅了,前途茫茫。母親是神的兒女,遭此噩運,竟顯得出奇的穩定,依然信靠順服,這使我重新思考她信仰的中心是甚麼?周日我常常落寞的走進台北許昌街青年會聽道,也認定查考聖經,內中有真神的啟示。最吸引我的就是主耶穌對人類宣言:「我就是道路、真理、生命,若不藉著我,沒有人能到父那裏去。」(約十四章六節)啊!我豁然開朗,母親信仰的中心就是復活的主。過去困擾我的問題都有了答案,人從何而來?由神創造。往何處去?有天父的家。因何而活?榮神益人。如何活?信靠順服。像在大海中抓著一塊木板,在黑夜裡看到一線曙光,我終於能站起來面對殘酷的現實。是主特別的憐憫,在我最孤單無助時,祂的安慰與扶持使我能面對未來。
	由於家庭中失去了父親作支柱,就失去了重心,我必須找一份工作。不久順利考進美國大使館新聞處任圖書管理員,在「參考書」部門服務。當年在台北要算「美新處圖書館」的參考資料最新、最齊全,服務的對象多半是學者專家。從答覆讀者的詢問中,我的知識也相對的增加,滿足了我強烈的求知慾。感謝主把我安放在設備完善環境中工作,足足有二十一年之久。這期間結婚,育有二女,歲月飛逝,我也步入中年,人在順境中隨著世俗浮沉,是名的追求,利的引誘,漸漸的忘了主恩,落在撒但的綑綁中。這時面對一個非人手可以控制的局面,我必須下一個決定,是順服還是逆命。我在痛苦中求告主名。透過恩典,聖靈啟示,我癱軟無力的跪在祂的腳前,俯首認罪。主啊!謝謝你,你沒有離棄我,再度把我這迷失的羊找回。我低吟著:「奇異恩典」,流下感恩與悔改的淚。
	回顧過去,從軟弱到剛強,從困難到明白,從風聞到眼見,無一不是父神一步步慈愛的引導,凡臨到我的事,都有祂的美意。兵荒馬亂時的保守,逆境時的磨練,迷失時的管教,處處都顯示祂那無盡的愛,無限的恩,足夠我享用。感謝讚美獨一的真神!


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