Friday, 09 December 2022 12:29

被亮光照耀的藝術路 石村弟兄感恩見證分享

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「惟義人必因他的信得生。」(哈巴谷書二:四)	
        第一次翻開《四個屬靈定律》的小冊子有一組圖畫著兩把椅子,一張圖中是「我」在椅子上,「十字架」在椅子下;另一張圖是「十字架」在椅子上,而「我」在椅子下。這兩組圖,使我有醍醐灌頂的感覺,我的生命一直以來充滿的不安定性,原來就是因為生命中一直以自我主導為中心,缺乏主耶穌的管理。我忽然開朗,明白有主的生命會井然有序,不再混沌迷惘。
	當時就像有一道光明照亮心中,馬上感覺到平靜和安詳。	於是,我打開以前看不懂的《聖經》從頭讀起,就覺得聖經的字句變活了,能讀懂理解了。我相信智慧和才能都是上帝賜給的,祂對我們每個人都有設計和計劃,人生中經歷過的一切,也都是為了這一天。	
	我是一個藝術家,也是一個多變的人。對於藝術家而言,多變可以打開眼界,心無障礙地接受新事物,從而改變自己,也拓展藝術的更高層次和意義。我從九歲對繪畫開始感興趣,憑著在顏色上的敏感和靈性,得到了很多藝術老師的讚許和指導。	
	一九八七年到紐約後,開始踏上專業畫家的道路,在很多美國和歐洲的當代藝術的專業畫廊參展,作品被博物館收藏。對於一個二十多歲的年輕藝術家來說,這標誌著藝術事業邁向成功的起步,如果我一路繼續走下來,未來前途也許不可限量。然而在一九九四年,我停止了繪畫。因為當時有個臺灣導演拍了一個關於我的紐約藝術生涯和想法的廣告,在臺灣引起轟動,成為報紙雜誌爭相報導的事件。	
	在臺灣展出的畫廊,讓我要作為一個藝術家,還是要作為一個明星之間來作出選擇。因為他們認為藝術家不宜像藝人一樣拋頭露面,我覺得做畫家不好玩,還是做明星好了。於是我就毫不回頭地離開了我的藝術家本行,發行了搖滾專輯,做了美國MTV 電視臺主持人,直到二○一○年,都沒有再拿起畫筆了。
	這十六年中,我在中國經商,目睹了社會的改變以及人們對物質和金錢的崇拜。這種讓我不適的感覺,促使我開始構思全新的藝術以及新的繪畫方式。儘管新作品讓我自己找到了藝術上的轉捩點,也得到了大家的喜歡和藏家的認可,但我仍然感到內心有一種藝術無法填補的空洞。
	二○一九年春節前夕,在一個信主的朋友家的新年聚會,認識了一個新朋友老馬。他邀請我和太太到教會參加新春聚會。新年聚會讓我們感到非常親切,弟兄姊妹之間的溫暖和關懷,讓我們有賓至如歸的感覺。教會還送給我們一本《四個屬靈的原則》。這本小冊子裡的兩張圖讓我深受觸動。我跟太太說:「現在才知道為什麼我的生活一塌糊塗,因為我一直在做主,而不是讓上帝做主。」在那一瞬間,我決定信主,將生命交給主來安排。為了支持我,太太也決定跟我一起決志信主。	
	雖然,我恨不得第二天就信主受洗,但根據教會規定,必須參加受洗班的課程。於是,我們插班進入了即將結業的受洗班,迅速瞭解基督的要義,並在復活節受洗。一個信主的朋友曾跟我說:「我們每一個人內心都有一個空洞,只有神才能填補這個空洞,從而讓你找到生命的所有奇跡。」原來一直以為我的藝術語言是我自己的創造和發明,直到這時,我才頓悟所有都是神安排的,只等著自己來發現和獲取神放在我生命中的彩蛋。	
	生命如此,藝術亦如此,上帝創造了人類,給予人的創造性和表達優美的藝術創作能力,祂選擇每一個藝術家,用他們獨特的恩賜和技能來展示神的存在,成為上帝的器皿,通過藝術家的作品,可以讓其他人感到神的榮耀。從相信主,並願意將自己的一切交給主,是每一個基督徒必走的道路。對我來說,用藝術來榮耀主是我終身的使命,一旦踏上就不會再回頭。	
	回首信主四年來的人生路,無法想像如果沒有神的指引和大愛,我們一家的生活將會如何?二○一九年春信主前,我們正在經歷人生的一段極度迷惘卻不自知的時期,全靠肉體在自我拼搏,全然沒有精神上與信仰上的依靠。因此,人生走到一定階段就感覺走不動了,生活似是一盤散沙,家不和萬事也不興。
	感謝主,在我們最迷惘時,神帶我們來到了WCCC教會,讓我們感受到弟兄姐妹給予的溫馨關懷和認識了天父。我們學會謙卑下來,將一切都交托給神。人們常說:「苦難會讓人卑謙。」其實未必,因為當一個人只相信自己的能力時,即便遇到苦難,他也只會抱怨命運的不公。只有當我們願意信靠上帝,將自己的一切都交給祂,願意臣服在祂的面前,生命才會改變。
	感謝主在我們身上做工,讓我們認識到了自己的內在問題。我們原來在別人,尤其在家人面前,堅決不願意承認的缺點和錯誤,因著聖靈的動工,而被我們看得一清二楚,學會了跟家人道歉,與孩子和睦相處。隨著我們越來越靠近主,心裡有了平安,家庭成員的關係也慢慢轉變,曾因為彼此個性與理解不同所造成的緊張關係完全緩解。我們學會了怎樣做更好的父母和夫妻。	
	我最希望的就是有一個好的藝術創作環境。當初租的工作室是地下室,連窗戶都沒有。太太曾在一篇關於信仰改變家庭的文章中,寫到她最大的期望就是讓我可以有一個全新的藝術創作環境。不到半年後,我們就神奇地搬進了讓我們一見鍾情的房子,既可以家居也可用做工作室。	
	剛搬進去不到兩個月,疫情來襲,紐約全面封鎖。我們頓覺得神的帶領簡直太奇妙了,在合適的時機與地點給了我們一個最好的安排。如果還是像原來那樣,家和工作室兩地分離,我們肯定無法渡過疫情的難關。因此,我們深深感謝天父對我們的指引和眷顧,也通過這件事徹底學會了靠主得力的秘訣。
	二○二一年初,我們全家感染了新冠病毒,心情落到谷底。禍不單行,病剛好了就再次遇到了住房引起的難處,在困難中,我們能做的就是不斷禱告,求主指引。那時,我正好看到了《荒漠甘泉》裡的一段話:「一個人在舒適的環境中是學不到信心的功課的。主常在我們倍感孤獨的時候給我們允諾,將祂恩典的話語當作印記蓋在給我們的約上,然後暫時隱退,來測驗我們的信心。祂往往會讓其他的誘惑來試探我們,使我們遭遇與祂所說的話截然相反。切記!信心贏得的冠冕就是此時。」這段話給了妻子巨大的啟發和信心,她在禱告中反復地說:「我信神祂怎樣對我說,事情也要怎樣成就。」(使徒行傳二十七:二十五)。	
	完全的信靠讓我們有了主的安撫,被恐懼和焦慮纏繞的心情得到了平復。靠著天父的恩賜,我們終於解決了一個又一個的難處,重新找到了更好的居所,我也搬進了夢寐以求的可以創作大幅作品的工作室,狀況之完美甚至超過了我的預期。我們深深感受到「神能照著運行在我們心裡的大力,充充足足成就一切,超過我們所求所想的。」(以弗所書三:二十)	
	至此,我們徹底明白,改變一切的是神,祂是我們生活的指南針、導航儀和圓規,當我們靠著祂,以祂為中心,便不必徬徨和擔憂。在困境中,祂的話語給了我們無盡的安慰和力量:「你不要害怕,因為我與你同在;不要驚惶,因為我是你的神。我必堅固你,我必幫助你,我必用我公義的右手扶持你。」(以賽亞書四十一:十)。	
	時光飛逝,信主至今整整四年,我們經歷了疫情的磨難和親朋好友離世所帶來的傷痛。然而,即便在生命的低谷,我們也從來沒有間斷過與主的連結。我們的生活如過山車一般,經歷了從生活到內心的180度翻轉。靠自己的失敗到如今靠主得勝的經歷讓我們深信,此生一切的安排全在主,只有全然信靠和交托,才會懂得祂所給予的承諾:「你定意要做何事,必然為你成就;亮光也必照耀你的路。」(約伯記二十二:二十八)。願我們每一個人此生都行在主的亮光照耀的道路上!阿們。
二○二二年十二月十日
       

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