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苦难是学习—是更深刻的学习 张正气弟兄感恩见証分享(一)

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主耶稣说:「在世上你们有苦难,但你们可以放心,我已经得胜了世界。」(约翰福音十六:三十三)。	
引言	
	世上所有人都会有苦难,并没有人可以例外。因此,我们都应该时刻做好面对苦难的准备。在我看来,最重要的准备就是要把使徒保罗关于「生、死」的两段重要论述思想清楚。保罗说:「我们活着,是为主而活;若死了,是为主而死。所以我们或活或死,总是主的人。」(罗马书十四:八)他又说:「照着我所切慕盼望的,没有一件事叫我羞愧,只要凡事放胆。无论是生,是死,总叫基督在我身上照常显大。」(腓立比书一:二十)这些,就是我们对待生与死的态度,和应该有的作为。把这些论述牢记在心里,当苦难临到时,我们就犹如有了定海神针!不会慌乱,知道自己该怎么做。
一、十年来我所经历的四次苦难		
第一次经历苦难:心脏出了大问题	
     作为一个传道人的事奉岗位,六年没有休假。二○一一年初,女儿先斩后奏,逼我们去西岸旅游。我在黄石公园雪顶上出现胸闷气喘,在回纽约的飞机上更加严重。在飞机上的一位加拿大医生确定:是心脏出了问题,嘱咐我尽快去看心脏专科医生。后经检查发现,是心脏主动脉瘤引起血管扩张,而且已达到百分之九十的危险程度。一个月后,危险程度发展到百分之九十五,必须马上做外科手术。因为血管一旦爆裂,就无可挽回了!这需要做开胸大手术。那时我已年届七十六岁,风险很大。一位总统级的外科专家为我做了十分成功的手术:切除了心脏主动脉,用人造纤维管替换,又更换了心脏两间瓣。手术后八周,我又站上了讲台。	
第二次经历苦难:脊椎神经出问题	
	二○一七年冬,突发坐骨神经痛,腰、腿和膝盖都出现剧痛,行走困难,甚至生活不能自理。家人决定要为我购买轮椅了。二○一八年六月,进入成人护理中心,开始了人生的新阶段。但我没有因此而放弃了事奉的心志。成人护理中心内有好几百人,这不是传福音的大好机会吗?我接过「爱心小组」,带领基督徒和非基督徒每周开展活动,传扬福音,受到大家欢迎(该中心的董事长和经理还参加了我们的演出)。我学习书法,抄写圣经,作品在法拉盛市图书馆展出。参加电脑学习班,不但学到了新的技能,而且受老师启发,买了多功能的苹果手錶,开始恢復运动,健康逐步好转。二○一九年三月初,我决定告别护理中心。	
第三次经历苦难:得了恶性皮肤癌
	二○二○年五月四日,正是疫情高峰期。经检验确诊,我得了恶性「鳞状皮肤癌」。该怎样面对这突发状况呢?担心害怕吗?不!要仰望主!我想到圣诗《靠主有福》,就从Youtube中选出来,在电视上播放。「要依靠主,专心靠主,在一切事上认定主,衪必指引你的路!」这些话就是对我说的!听了又听,真好!唱到我心里去了!心中有了完全的平安。五月十一日,一位专攻皮肤癌手术的外科医生为我做了手术,前后四个半小时。因为是局部麻醉,所以我一直意识清楚,心中平安。医生嘱咐我,需要一个月才可恢復。我想:「这应该不致影响事奉。」所以我保留了原有的事奉计划,没有停止在教会的服事。	
第四次经历苦难,全家都感染了新冠病毒	
这是万万没有想到的!就在那之前,我还在「彩虹团契」群中,向大家提出两项倡议:第一,除非必须不要外出,而且要在家里有适当活动;第二,不要因此而盲目乐观,万一感染了,不要讳疾忌医,要积极面对,及时就医。想不到,不久后,竟发生在我自己的家里!起因是女儿家那边部分人身体不适,女儿尚好,所以仍然来照顾我们。等到她感觉自己也有些不对劲,而立即隔离时,为时晚矣!一月廿五检测,廿七日确诊:我和师母也都已「中招」了!师母腹泻、发低烧,氧气的饱和度下降到只有大约百分之八十,昏睡不起,不吃不喝。我是肺部痛,全身酸痛乏力,嗅觉丧失,没有胃口,不能入睡,全家就靠儿子来支撑着。人本来就是脆弱而敏感的,在这种情况下,免不了东想西想。
	如果随它去想,那就越想越负面,对自己非但没有帮助,反而迷失了方向。其实,我们的信仰清楚明白地告诉我们:我们是从何而来,又归向何处?无论是生、是死,我们总是主的人。这是一个大前提,一个让我们永远可以信靠的大前提!自己要做的,就是遵从医生嘱咐吃药、休息。从小到大,我们生过很多病了,这次不过是新的,袭击重一些,时间长一些,但一切终将过去的。
	人生如航船,需要一个舵、一个锚。那就是信仰!无论什么情况,坚定信仰乃是关键所在!不要胡思乱想,而要去做一些积极事情。反正现在网路上Youtube很方便,想听、想看的应有尽有。我选听了优美的梁祝小提琴协奏曲、二泉映月,欢快活泼的土耳其进行曲……。蛮好!再去看看《五朵金花》,那是六十年前的老电影了。回想当年,自己也是二十岁出头,风华正茂。	
	而今,沧海桑田,物是人非,当年电影中那些花样年华的人们,和我一样,也该是八九十岁的老人了!然而,主救了我、主使用我,我的人生没有虚渡。我也尽可能天天坚持在家步行半个小时,不向病痛低头,保持愤发的精神状态。服药后的第四天,不发低烧了。思想起十年中的经历,「苦难是学习,是更深刻的学习」,这个感动进入我心中,决定要写出来,所以每天当一个功课去做。正是这样一些活动,陪伴着我渡过了隔离期。
	
二、在苦难中我学到了什么	
	主耶稣说:「在世上你们有苦难」这是对所有的人说的,没有人可以例外。圣经中关于苦难的教导,有三个重点:第一,苦难是神所容许的,神是知道的;第二,神让苦难临到人,是为了熬炼、拣选我们,让我们得到好处;第三,神会给人出路,搭救我们。用这些教导来对照我这十年所经历的四次苦难,我学到了功课,心胸敞亮,充满感恩!因为每一次的经历都是印证!	
	第一次苦难:二○一一年,如果不是因为去西岸旅游,登上高海拔的黄石公园雪顶和高空飞行,就不会发现我心脏主动脉即将爆裂的危险,因而让我得到及时、高标准的救治。这绝不是碰巧,而是神的怜悯!否则,我还有今天吗?这十年的生命,十年的事奉机会,就是神给我的好处。
	第二次苦难:由于坐骨神经痛、腰痛、腿痛,生活不能自理,这当然是苦难。但是,也正因为如此,我才有了进入那个几百人的大禾场,去广传福音的机会。在那里,我还学到了电脑知识,认识了苹果手錶的运动软体,重新开始步行锻练,并最终恢復了健康。神是在苦难的炉中拣选我们,测试我们,给我们成长的机会。让我懂得了「逆境也有神的美意」。	
	第三次苦难:来得突然,去得也快。从发现到康復也就两个月不到。主要让我学习什么呢?原来就是《靠主有福》那首圣诗所教导的:要依靠主,专心靠主,在一切事上认定主,祂必指引你的路。这次苦难就是神给我的一个测试。这种恶性皮肤癌是致命的(据报导,电视主持人赵忠祥就是因此去世的)。在我患病时正是疫情高峰期,所到之处几乎不见人迹。但我却得到了及时而且高标准的救治,恢復很快。虽然刀口几乎看不出来了,但《靠主有福》永留在我心中!(未完待续)	
	二○二二年四月十六日
内容转载自《生命季刊》微信专稿	

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