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苦難是學習—是更深刻的學習 張正氣弟兄感恩見証分享(一)

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主耶穌說:「在世上你們有苦難,但你們可以放心,我已經得勝了世界。」(約翰福音十六:三十三)。	
引言	
	世上所有人都會有苦難,並沒有人可以例外。因此,我們都應該時刻做好面對苦難的準備。在我看來,最重要的準備就是要把使徒保羅關於「生、死」的兩段重要論述思想清楚。保羅說:「我們活著,是為主而活;若死了,是為主而死。所以我們或活或死,總是主的人。」(羅馬書十四:八)他又說:「照著我所切慕盼望的,沒有一件事叫我羞愧,只要凡事放膽。無論是生,是死,總叫基督在我身上照常顯大。」(腓立比書一:二十)這些,就是我們對待生與死的態度,和應該有的作為。把這些論述牢記在心裡,當苦難臨到時,我們就猶如有了定海神針!不會慌亂,知道自己該怎麼做。
一、十年來我所經歷的四次苦難		
第一次經歷苦難:心臟出了大問題	
     作為一個傳道人的事奉崗位,六年沒有休假。二○一一年初,女兒先斬後奏,逼我們去西岸旅遊。我在黃石公園雪頂上出現胸悶氣喘,在回紐約的飛機上更加嚴重。在飛機上的一位加拿大醫生確定:是心臟出了問題,囑咐我儘快去看心臟專科醫生。後經檢查發現,是心臟主動脈瘤引起血管擴張,而且已達到百分之九十的危險程度。一個月後,危險程度發展到百分之九十五,必須馬上做外科手術。因為血管一旦爆裂,就無可挽回了!這需要做開胸大手術。那時我已年屆七十六歲,風險很大。一位總統級的外科專家為我做了十分成功的手術:切除了心臟主動脈,用人造纖維管替換,又更換了心臟兩間瓣。手術後八週,我又站上了講臺。	
第二次經歷苦難:脊椎神經出問題	
	二○一七年冬,突發坐骨神經痛,腰、腿和膝蓋都出現劇痛,行走困難,甚至生活不能自理。家人決定要為我購買輪椅了。二○一八年六月,進入成人護理中心,開始了人生的新階段。但我沒有因此而放棄了事奉的心志。成人護理中心內有好幾百人,這不是傳福音的大好機會嗎?我接過「愛心小組」,帶領基督徒和非基督徒每週開展活動,傳揚福音,受到大家歡迎(該中心的董事長和經理還參加了我們的演出)。我學習書法,抄寫聖經,作品在法拉盛市圖書館展出。參加電腦學習班,不但學到了新的技能,而且受老師啟發,買了多功能的蘋果手錶,開始恢復運動,健康逐步好轉。二○一九年三月初,我決定告別護理中心。	
第三次經歷苦難:得了惡性皮膚癌
	二○二○年五月四日,正是疫情高峰期。經檢驗確診,我得了惡性「鱗狀皮膚癌」。該怎樣面對這突發狀況呢?擔心害怕嗎?不!要仰望主!我想到聖詩《靠主有福》,就從Youtube中選出來,在電視上播放。「要依靠主,專心靠主,在一切事上認定主,衪必指引你的路!」這些話就是對我說的!聽了又聽,真好!唱到我心裡去了!心中有了完全的平安。五月十一日,一位專攻皮膚癌手術的外科醫生為我做了手術,前後四個半小時。因為是局部麻醉,所以我一直意識清楚,心中平安。醫生囑咐我,需要一個月才可恢復。我想:「這應該不致影響事奉。」所以我保留了原有的事奉計劃,沒有停止在教會的服事。	
第四次經歷苦難,全家都感染了新冠病毒	
這是萬萬沒有想到的!就在那之前,我還在「彩虹團契」群中,向大家提出兩項倡議:第一,除非必須不要外出,而且要在家裡有適當活動;第二,不要因此而盲目樂觀,萬一感染了,不要諱疾忌醫,要積極面對,及時就醫。想不到,不久後,竟發生在我自己的家裡!起因是女兒家那邊部分人身體不適,女兒尚好,所以仍然來照顧我們。等到她感覺自己也有些不對勁,而立即隔離時,為時晚矣!一月廿五檢測,廿七日確診:我和師母也都已「中招」了!師母腹瀉、發低燒,氧氣的飽和度下降到只有大約百分之八十,昏睡不起,不吃不喝。我是肺部痛,全身酸痛乏力,嗅覺喪失,沒有胃口,不能入睡,全家就靠兒子來支撐著。人本來就是脆弱而敏感的,在這種情況下,免不了東想西想。
	如果隨它去想,那就越想越負面,對自己非但沒有幫助,反而迷失了方向。其實,我們的信仰清楚明白地告訴我們:我們是從何而來,又歸向何處?無論是生、是死,我們總是主的人。這是一個大前提,一個讓我們永遠可以信靠的大前提!自己要做的,就是遵從醫生囑咐吃藥、休息。從小到大,我們生過很多病了,這次不過是新的,襲擊重一些,時間長一些,但一切終將過去的。
	人生如航船,需要一個舵、一個錨。那就是信仰!無論什麼情況,堅定信仰乃是關鍵所在!不要胡思亂想,而要去做一些積極事情。反正現在網路上Youtube很方便,想聽、想看的應有盡有。我選聽了優美的梁祝小提琴協奏曲、二泉映月,歡快活潑的土耳其進行曲……。蠻好!再去看看《五朵金花》,那是六十年前的老電影了。回想當年,自己也是二十歲出頭,風華正茂。	
	而今,滄海桑田,物是人非,當年電影中那些花樣年華的人們,和我一樣,也該是八九十歲的老人了!然而,主救了我、主使用我,我的人生沒有虛渡。我也盡可能天天堅持在家步行半個小時,不向病痛低頭,保持憤發的精神狀態。服藥後的第四天,不發低燒了。思想起十年中的經歷,「苦難是學習,是更深刻的學習」,這個感動進入我心中,決定要寫出來,所以每天當一個功課去做。正是這樣一些活動,陪伴著我渡過了隔離期。
	
二、在苦難中我學到了什麼	
	主耶穌說:「在世上你們有苦難」這是對所有的人說的,沒有人可以例外。聖經中關於苦難的教導,有三個重點:第一,苦難是神所容許的,神是知道的;第二,神讓苦難臨到人,是為了熬煉、揀選我們,讓我們得到好處;第三,神會給人出路,搭救我們。用這些教導來對照我這十年所經歷的四次苦難,我學到了功課,心胸敞亮,充滿感恩!因為每一次的經歷都是印證!	
	第一次苦難:二○一一年,如果不是因為去西岸旅遊,登上高海拔的黃石公園雪頂和高空飛行,就不會發現我心臟主動脈即將爆裂的危險,因而讓我得到及時、高標準的救治。這絕不是碰巧,而是神的憐憫!否則,我還有今天嗎?這十年的生命,十年的事奉機會,就是神給我的好處。
	第二次苦難:由於坐骨神經痛、腰痛、腿痛,生活不能自理,這當然是苦難。但是,也正因為如此,我才有了進入那個幾百人的大禾場,去廣傳福音的機會。在那裡,我還學到了電腦知識,認識了蘋果手錶的運動軟體,重新開始步行鍛練,並最終恢復了健康。神是在苦難的爐中揀選我們,測試我們,給我們成長的機會。讓我懂得了「逆境也有神的美意」。	
	第三次苦難:來得突然,去得也快。從發現到康復也就兩個月不到。主要讓我學習什麼呢?原來就是《靠主有福》那首聖詩所教導的:要依靠主,專心靠主,在一切事上認定主,祂必指引你的路。這次苦難就是神給我的一個測試。這種惡性皮膚癌是致命的(據報導,電視主持人趙忠祥就是因此去世的)。在我患病時正是疫情高峰期,所到之處幾乎不見人跡。但我卻得到了及時而且高標準的救治,恢復很快。雖然刀口幾乎看不出來了,但《靠主有福》永留在我心中!(未完待續)	
	二○二二年四月十六日
內容轉載自《生命季刊》微信專稿	

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